I'm going to blow your mind right now.
THIS IS MY SECOND POST IN 2 HOURS! After nearly a year and a half of NOTHING! I go zero to a hundred! Can someone give me an award? Something like an Oscar, something extremely self-congratulatory and undeserved. Yeah, thanks!
And get this, I'm actually going to do a post. About a cookie. That I baked a year and a half ago. Ha. Let's see how this goes.
Let me preface this by explaining why I have the sudden urge to get back on my cookie soap box and blather on about cookies to an audience of probably 0 readers. Well, every so often I come back to this blog and read through old posts. Ya know, just to shine up my ol' ego and inflate my head a little about how funny, charming, smart, and all around fantastic I am. And then I get this sudden urge to start the blog up again and, DARE I SAY IT, finish the quest. Well, tonight was one of those nights. And here I am, blogging like the lazy egomaniac that I am.
Actually, if you look back to my last legit cookie post, you'll see I had the same idea as I do now. And I actually baked up 2 more recipes after those Pecan Logs, and never posted them. Why? Because my excitement to blog revved up and died in the time it takes to write exactly one blog post, and then I got bored. But you know, I'm going to try to do this again. I know. Empty promises. I don't expect a single one of you to believe me, or care. But if you are still crazy enough to follow this blog, let me dedicate this cookie to you.
Don't be offended that it's not a fantastic cookie that I'm dedicating to you though. Sorry! Don't blame me bish, I didn't write The Book! But it's an expensive cookie, so there's that. It calls for real deal vanilla beans and the name for the cookie comes from the German word "spritzen" which means "to squirt"--if that's not a compliment, I don't know what is! Take what you can get.
So let's get down to business. From what I can remember, these cookies were simple to make and tasted like a nice vanilla shortbread with a hint of cinnamon. I would have baked them sooner, but put it off thinking I would one day actually buy a cookie press like the recipe requests. But then I remembered who I am, and what my bank account looks like, I accepted the fact that that was a reality I was never going to face. So I just rolled out the dough and used a cookie cutter, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. But I used a tooth-shaped cookie cutter, not like a normal person. I love this cookie cutter, but baking a shortbread with cinnamon and vanilla bean flecks into the shape of a tooth isn't really a great food styling choice. Rotten teeth anyone?
Sorry, I'm really not sellin' this one, am I? To be honest, it was sort of a let down. I was expecting a super vanilla-y flavor, what with the 2 whole vanilla beans that cost an arm and a leg, but it ended up just tasting like a plain shortbread. Like, if you asked me to try it blindfolded, I'd assume there was maybe a teaspoon of vanilla extract in it, but that's it. Not worth the $10 for the whole beans!
|$10 worth of vanilla beans, like what?!|
In conclusion, these cookies are ok but sorta lie on the "who cares" side of things. Maybe if I had a fancy cookie press I could make them into the shape of that Oscar trophy I deserve, and then they would also taste better (because victory is sweet, get it??).
I got one more cookie to post, which I baked a year and a half ago, and then I have to actually crack open The Book and make some more. Aren't you excited we are on this ancient, forgotten adventure again? I know I am! xoxo
Vanilla-Bean Spritz Wreaths
Makes about 5 dozen
- 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 2 vanilla beans, halved lengthwise, seeds scraped and reserved
- 1 cup plus 4 teaspoons sugar
- 3 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
- 2 large egg yolks
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk together flour, salt, and 1 teaspoon cinnamon.
- Beat vanilla seeds and 1 cup sugar with a mixer on medium speed until incorporated, about 3 minutes (sugar will clump together slightly). Add butter, and beat until pale and fluffy. Add egg yolks, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Reduce speed to low. Add flour mixture, and beat just until smooth.
- Divide dough into 3 portions. Pack 1 portion into a cookie press fitted with wreath disk (cover remaining portions with an inverted bowl or refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 3 days; bring to room temperature before using), and press shapes about 2 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake until edges are just golden, 9 to 12 minutes.
- Meanwhile, combine remaining 2 teaspoons cinnamon with remaining 4 teaspoons sugar. Sprinkle over hot cookies. Let cool on sheets on wire racks. Repeat. Cookies can be stored in a single layer in airtight containers up to 4 days.
Baking Difficulty: 1/5
Ingredient Accessibility: 2/5 (because of the spency vanilla beans and the stupid cookie press)
Is it worth it?: Meh
Drink: Milk, cuz them teeth look like they need it
Song: Regular Girl - Dillinger
Activity: Call 1-800-Dentist, today!